The Contents of My Pocket

Perhaps there are more glamorous pocket collections. I can imagine some, I guess, but this one made me laugh. Have you ever emptied your pocket and smiled at the randomness of it all? I mean, Mr. Potato head's tongue? A glass rock from the gift shop at the Maui Aquarium? Ten cents, a safety pin and a matchbox car? It's classic mid-motherhood fare.

Good Night

As I was tucking the 3 year old into bed tonight, I said, "Have a good sleep. I hope you wake up all happy in the morning."

He giggled and said, "Goodnight, Mom. I hope you have a good sleep and wake up with a happy mess inside."

Sounds about right, I guess, if you're three.

The Fruit of Paradise

[Setting: In the orchard]

[We pan left to see the 30 Marens standing around an apple tree.]

Announcer: 30 Marens Agree...

30 Marens: [in unison] An apple a day keeps the doctor away!

[The Marens all nod in agreement]

Maren Vogel: Not five a day for goodness sake- just one! Consider it cheap, tasty insurance. It's Nature's toothbrush, too.

Maren Hansen: I like my pie for breakfast. 

Maren Gonzalez: There is nothing like a fresh Ginger Gold or Buckeye Gala. Mmmmm-mm!

[The Marens continue to nod]

Announcer: 30 Marens Agree. Eat an apple a day.

Happy Apple Season!

New York Crank Caller

So, the other day I had the following phone conversation:

Me: Hello?

Caller: (Older male) Hi. You're probably going to think this is a crank call...

Me: Hmmm. They don't usually start out that way, do they?

Caller: ... but I'm really just looking for any number in Middlebury because, y'see, I live across the Lake in New York and we have this stray alpaca here that everybody seems to think has come over from Middlebury. Do you know of any alpaca farms over there that might be missing one?

Me: (Trying to catch up) Uh... hmmm. Now let me think. I know there are some alpacas up on Route 116. I wonder if- let me pull out the yellow pages here and see what I can find.

Caller: Thanks. They keep stopping at the woman's house on the corner and saying that her goat is in the road- or some people think it's a deer or a llama, but I know it's an alpaca for sure.

Me: Rrriiight. Here we go- under "Alpaca". Looks like we have 3 farms in the county. I'll give you the numbers and you can give them a call. (Read phone numbers.)

Caller: (Relieved) Thank you so much. I really appreciate you taking the time to look that up for me. I'll call them right away.

Me: Sure- no problem. Good luck finding the owner. Have a great day.

Caller: You, too.

Click.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I love this town!

How About Canada?

This was one of the advertisements on my facebook.com page today.

Seriously?

I'm very curious and very amused.

Smile For The Photographer, Please

I am so glad things like this are still being produced! Whew! Enjoy 16 minutes of true warm fuzzies.





Thank you to my friend Dorothy who posted it first. It made my day!

Anti Bacteria

[Setting: The bathroom]

[We pan right to see the 30 Marens, each in pajamas, each holding dental floss between her fingers.]

Announcer: 30 Marens Agree...

30 Marens: [in unison] Flossing is important!

[The Marens all nod in agreement]

Maren Winters: You don't have to floss all your teeth. Only the ones you want to keep.

Maren Porter: Good flossing is positively linked to good arterial health. Now your cardiologist wants you to do it, too!

Maren Seymour: Don't forget to get under the gum line, honey.

[The Marens continue to nod, flossing their teeth.]

Announcer: 30 Marens Agree. Flossing is important.


Bacon floss is available here, but you can use any old flavor.

In response...

Even though I had more important things to do yesterday, I couldn't resist taking part in Dave's newest challenge: random album covers. Fun!

Birthday Fun

For those of you who think you know me, check out this birthday puzzle by my awesome sister, Kari.

Thanks, k-money!

For those times when despair nearly overcomes you...

Oh, man. Tonight we were poking around to see if the results from Quinn's race were posted yet, and we stumbled upon this. Hilarious!! We laughed so hard at some of these. I've seen this kind of thing before, but for some reason these were especially funny tonight. I believe it was the "Failure" one that led us from the subject of half-marathons to despair.

"The journey of a thousand miles sometimes ends very, very badly."

Part of what's so funny, to me, is that they mock the multi-million dollar business of motivational posters for reeling in the money of the simple-minded, and yet they hope to make money doing exactly the same thing for the cynical. Really, what's the difference? It's the photographers of the great stock shots that stand to make serious moolah by selling to both camps. (The "Regret" photo is my favorite.)

Some of the ones at which we laughed hardest were: Consulting, Effort, Failure, Goals, Despair, Humiliation, Insanity, Loneliness, Mediocrity, etc., etc. Some of them reminded us of the old Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey- only cleaner.



In a moment of irreverent levity, we found three that would be perfect for his office up at the church: Problems, Sacrifice, and Worth. There were lots, though, that he thought he could use in his Middlebury classes as part of teaching about world conflicts and leaders (i.e. achievement, arrogance, elitism...). Fun, funny stuff.

A parting thought for you:

"When you wish upon a falling star, your dreams can come true. Unless it's really a meteorite hurtling to the Earth which will destroy all life. Then you're pretty much hosed no matter what you wish for. Unless it's death by meteor."